Twilight vs. The Vampire Diaries - An Analysis

On this Friday afternoon we bring to you a comparative analysis of two of the most popular vampire inspired entertainment creations - Twilight and The Vampire Diaries (TVD).  What starts out as some general chatter about TVD quickly turned into a comparison of the two.  If vampires are your thing, please read ahead.

Dana: (As we were discussing last night’s Vampire Diaries episode) Man, those Salvatore brothers do drink an awful lot of, what I assume to be, whiskey.  I think they should address their alcohol problems before they start worrying about blood.

Terri:  I was thinking the same as I watched last night.  I think that in every single scene with Damon, he was holding a glass of whiskey.  Do you think it’s possible for a vampire to become an alcoholic?  I mean, they probably won’t get liver cirrhosis, but thoughts on alcoholism?

Dana:  And it’s not even like he just sips on it, he just lowers a glass down like it’s water.  Yeah, I can’t see why they can’t become alcoholics.  If the alcohol affects them the same was that it does humans.

But the only thing is that it’s not going to be bad for their health, since you know, it won’t destroy their organs or brain cells (I guess?), so the only issue would be the psychological dependence.   But, I guess if it somehow calms them down and prevents them from mass murdering half the townsfolk, then they may as well keep going?

Terri:  If that it the only thing keeping them from vamping out, I guess it is worthwhile!

What I struggle with when watching TVD is avoiding comparing it to Twilight.  They’re so different, yet I’m so jaded against Twilight that at the beginning it was hard to give TVD a fair chance.

Dana:  Their interpretation of vampires is very different though!  But keeping on the alcohol train, I’m guessing the Twilight vampires can’t drink?  They have no blood, and their hearts don’t beat, so it’s not like their body would process alcohol or anything.

I’m wondering, what would happen if they ate regular food? Would their body digest it? Would they have to go to the bathroom at some point afterwards?

Terri:  Good point – the Twilight vampires do not eat/drink anything other than blood, correct? Whereas TVD vamps can eat ‘regular food’.  So, I guess we are to assume they have normal-esque bodily functions.

Dana:  A quick Google search (just adding to my long list of embarrassing and ridiculous Google searches) tells me:

If Twilight vampires eat regular food, they have to later cough it back up, because their bodies cannot digest it.

But, I’m guessing the Vampire Diaries vamps have normal functions.  Wouldn’t it be strange if you heard one of the Salvatore brothers say, ‘Hold on, I gotta go take a whiz.  All that alcohol I just drank is going right through me!’

Terri:  They’re all in the middle of an Original’s battle and all of a sudden Stefan is all “brb – gotta to pee behind that tree there now”.

While we are on the comparison topic, I gotta say – The acting on TVD is leaps and bounds above Twilight.  There is actual emotion and the main characters are not inarticulate robots.

Dana:  Well, it doesn’t take much to surpass the acting in the Twilight movies, that’s for sure.  I’m pretty sure my portrayal of a reindeer in our Grade 6 Christmas concert was filled with more emotional than anything Kristen Stewart has ever done as Bella.

Not to mention Edward and his facial expressions that make him look like he’s either extremely constipated or was just punched in the stomach and writhing in pain.  Definitely a thumbs down on the acting chops of these characters!

Terri:  I’m pretty sure that you and I, plus a few friends, could re-enact the entire Twilight series with a more believable portrayal than these guys.  You can play Edward – and in order to make you sparkle we’ll roll you in glitter glue.  I’ll be Jacob, and it’ll just be a toy wolf with my hand guiding it through some grass.

Dana: We’ll whip out some of our old body glitter from the 90s, grab a Cabbage Path Doll to play Renesmee and we’ll hit fast forward on the scenes of us jogging alone to make it look like the vampires are running at top speed.

Terri:  Speaking of werewolves – if I was to be one, I’d want to be one of the Twilight variety.  Transitioning on TVD seems all kinds of painful.

Dana:  I’d much rather be a Twilight werewolf as well.  They can turn whenever they want to, regardless of the time of day or the phase of the mood.   Also, transition seems painless.  So there’s basically nothing bad about it at all, apart from the constant need to purchase new pants due to them getting repeatedly shredded.

But I mean, you can just pick up some cheap pants at a discount store and it shouldn’t be too costly.

On TVD it just looks incredibly painful, dislocating all of my bones is not my idea of a good time.

Terri:  I mean, all you need to acquire is a decently good (auspicious as to why you need so many pants) seamstress that can make them for you decently cheap.  Meanwhile, having all the bones in your body break and reform does not sound like much of a time.

Actually, I think that being a hybrid is the ideal situation.  You’re an immortal vampire who can change into a werewolf if need be, but it’s at will.  That’s a pretty handy skill to have.

Like, ‘oh mah son, there’s vampires after me! I’ll just phase into a wolf and bite the necks of those muthas’ DEALS really.

(In case you haven’t figured it out a hybrid is half vampire, half werewolf and sure to be hot as balls).

Dana:  Hybridism is the way to go for sure.  I mean, you basically can’t be killed in any way – well, apart from the wood of this one specific tree that existed thousands of years ago.  With all the clear-cutting and deforestation that’s been going on, what are the odds of this tree even still existing?

And you can always create more hybrids whenever you want (you know, once you obtain the blood of a doppelganger – nbd).  Then they will follow you and do you bidding whenever you want them to.  Seems like it could come in handy for a lot of things – such as taking over the world, making one of them wait in line for you at the bank, etc.

(A doppelganger is, well… I can’t even go there without a 2 page explanation.  If you’re so inclined Google “The Vampire Diaries Doppelganger” to help yourself out).

Terri:  I guess one final comparison point would be the whole “love triangle” situation.  I mean, while Bella did harbour some feelings for Jacob, we all knew that he didn’t stand a chance.  There was no doubt in the fact that her and Edward were going to be TLA (true love always).  Which, really Bella? Really? This sullen person is who you want to spend all of eternity with?  But I digress…

With TVD there is some ambiguity.  You don’t really know which Sal Bro Elena is going to pick.  I personally think that she’ll have a fling with Damon at some point, but will eventually end up with Stefan.  You?

Dana:  The love triangle thing is present in both of them, but really, unless Edward got ripped into millions of pieces and then set on fire by the Volturi (as was his plan during his brief suicidal phase), then there was no chance Bella was ever going to pick Jacob.  So, there was never really any suspense.

But it’s harder to tell in TVD.  I mean, although she was with Stefan, there was always some unresolved sexual chemistry between her and Damon.  I also think she might have a flight with Damon, but Stefan is more of the long-term boyfriend type, so she’ll probably end up with him.  I’m personally all for whatever stops his incessant brooding!

But you know, she seems to be into the brooding type, so he definitely delivers on that.

Terri:  Man, anything to stop the brooding.  If he suddenly decides he wants to be trapeze artist and travel across the country in a tent, I’d be down with that, just to stop the sad face.  He’s pretty much the Edward Cullen of the series, actually.

Dana:  Maybe he and Edward should team up and become an unstoppable brooding combination!  They won’t even need to use any of their vampire powers because their brooding levels combined will just cause a force stronger than any vampire strength.

Terri:  Seriously, put Edward and Stefan in the happiest of situations and they’ll kill the mood ASAP.  “Oh look, a room filled with rainbows and kittens and Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups! – and Stefan and Edward, we must leave immediately!”

What would you say your “team allegiance is” for TVD I’m Team Damon and for Twilight, I’m, hmm.. Team Dakota Fanning.

Dana:  I am also Team Damon.  However, if Elijah was thrown into the equation, I think I would switch allegiances pretty quickly.

In terms of Twilight – I’m gonna go with Team Charlie.  I mean, he’s a pretty good father, he even manages to put up with his whiny, angst-ridden daughter and he doesn’t even complain about it.

Plus, extra points for the mustachio.  

Terri:  Okay, so bottom line thoughts? Mine are as follows:

The Vampire Diaries is my guilty pleasure that often makes me feel like a 13 year old girl swooning over Dawson and Pacey on Dawson’s Creek.

Twilight makes me sad for the future of humanity and the fact that I’ve willingly spent money to watch this.

Dana:  Overall, I think that TVD is better in terms of plot line and acting for sure.  The show definitely has better writing, too.  However, I do enjoy Twilight for the entertainment value.  TVD is just not nearly as easy to mock, and you know I love a bit of mocking!

Terri:  Don’t we all Dana, don’t’ we all…

I realize you need to have some serious Vampire loving to fully enjoy this, but if you made it to the end, tell us what are your thoughts? Who is you team allegiance? How would you compare the movie vs. the tv show?